Lingering
by Shizuka Shirakawa
Summary: Hotarou and Eru had been dating for a month, but Hotarou was always having a hard time with himself in telling Eru about his feelings in words. When he thought that their love would last forever, an accident happened, leaving him vulnerable with the new fact he had to accept. "Tomorrow may never come" One shot, R&R please :)


_**A/N: Well it's been very long since I made a fic in Hyouka fandom. The last time I wrote it was in Indonesian, This time I'll publish it in english. Sorry if there're some grammatical mistakes, it's been a long time since I made a fic in english and my vocabulary is very limited.**_

_**A little bit about this fic, actually I took the basic of this story from the dream I got last night. Since my dream was a bit ambiguous, I made some differences in this fic. The characters here might be a bit OOC too, And the last thing is, I hope you enjoy this story :)**_

Summary: Hotarou and Eru had been dating for a month, but Hotarou was always having a hard time with himself in telling Eru about his feelings in words. When he thought that their love would last forever, an accident happened, leaving him vulnerable with the new fact he had to accept. One shot, R&R please :)

Rated : T

Genre : Angst/Tragedy/Romance/Supernatural

Disclaimer : I don't own Hyouka. It belongs to KyoAni and Honobu Yonezawa.

* * *

I could still remember it, those days when I was so fulfilled, my gray colored life evolved into a rose colored one. Well, this story is - actually my story- is about an important lesson I learned in a crucial time.

I, Oreki Hotarou, and here's my story. It may not be a good one like those in fairy tales, but I hope at least what had happened to me wouldn't happen to you too. I hope you get it what I wanted you to know so that you wouldn't make the same mistake like I did.

Me and Eru had been dating for about a month, actually I was ashamed of myself since it was her who confessed to me first.

It was such a sunny day on summer, I was all alone with her in the usual club room. I was sitting right next to the window with a book on my right hand and eyes fixed on them. Eru was doing her homework and tasks. I knew the reason though, that's because she was so busy at home so whether she liked it or not, she had to finish her school duties before going home.

Today both Satoshi and Ibara had things they had to attend themselves, so it left only Eru and I in this room for the rest of the day.

I yawned and kept reading despite my eyes getting heavier and heavier. I didn't realize the exact time I fell asleep by the summer breeze, all I could remember was waking up due to a sudden soft pushes on my shoulders, followed by a soft voice I had known very well.

"Oreki-san...please wake up. The school is almost closed. Oreki-san?"

I yawned again, this time adjusting my sitting position. I looked at her, and she looked back at me with her well known cute smile and said, "Finally you wake up. You were sleeping very soundly, I guess you must be very tired these days, Oreki-san?"

"Hrmm...yeah, lack of energy conserving."

She looked at me with those guilty purple eyes, which left me hypnotized just by looking at them. "I'm very sorry, Oreki-san! I just can't help it, I'm very very curious about many things and you're the only one who can solve those mysteries I got. I'm really sorry!"

"Well...It's...okay really." I couldn't remember since when I got used to her curiosity behavior, it was wasting my energy but I found it...enjoyable.

"I know why you're waiting for me until this late. So tell me, what made you curious this time?"

She smiled, grabbed my left arm and pulled. I guess she wanted me to stand up, so I did. "Let's talk while we go home. The school is almost closed at this hour."

I did as I was told. We left school gates in silence. I glanced at her, her face was red like tomato, then she looked back at me.

"Nee, Oreki-san, I was wondering..."

"What?"

"I'm curious why I have this kind of feeling. You know, it makes me smile everyday, a lot stronger and I wish..." She stared at the red sky above. "I wish I can stay at school forever so that I can be with him all the time."

She was having a crush on someone. I felt a bit uneasy hearing this. I didn't know why but it really was bugging me. I didn't like everything she said about it.

"Congratulations, seems like you just fell in love with someone." I knew my voice sounded harsh, I wished she didn't realize it.

"I thought so too. I'm confused of what to do to make him notice. Oreki-san, do you have any idea of what should I do?"

I shrugged, I'm not a love doctor, and since when I turned into one?

I was quiet for a while. It was really hard for me to give her advises, I wanted her to be happy but at the same time I didn't want her to be with someone else. Wait, since when I turned into an obsessed boy? Arrgh, I guess my brain was malfunctioning due to lack of energy conservation.

"Oreki-san?"

"Hm?"

"So, what do you think?"

With a heavy heart I said, "Go tell him then. If you don't tell him how you feel, he'll never know."

"Then..." Suddenly she stopped. "I will tell him now."

It made me stop too, I turned back at her. She held her bag tightly, looking down on the pavement and then looking straight into my eyes.

"What? Right now?"

"Yes." That answer gave me shivers. "Oreki-san, that person is you. I...I...love you."

I stood there, eyes wide opened. I didn't know that it was me she was talking all about. Her words froze my brain. I couldn't think at all. We were silent for a while, both of our cheeks were red. Then I held her soft hands in my bigger hands, pulled them so she got closer to me.

"Chitanda, I...I really don't know what to say and I don't know how to say it too. When you said to me that you liked someone, I was really mad, I was jealous. I want you to be mine, mine only. I..."

"Shh...I'm happy to hear that."

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

She laughed and starred into my eyes. "Of course!"

We were very happy that day. I had never feel so fulfilled in my whole life, as if I didn't want anything, just her. I became more protective of her, everyday I walked her home after school. We watched movies together on Sundays, enjoying each other's company while sitting on a bench in a park near the ice cream shop. But those happiness never last forever.

* * *

**_- Ice Cream -_**

* * *

Our school had arranged for a school trip on that day. It was almost fall, but the weather hadn't changed much. The four of us got in the same bus. It was supposed to be an hour trip, but due to a traffic jam it took longer than that.

I was sitting next to Eru, right next to the window while Satoshi and Ibara were sitting a row in front of us. They had got a lot closer than the last time I remembered.

Eru yawned for the fourth time, I knew she was very tired and sleepy. As a good boyfriend, I offered my shoulder as a pillow but she refused.

"I'm not a kid, Oreki-san." But then she leaned her head on my shoulder anyway. "Oreki-san..."

"What is it?"

"Ano nee, you never tell me your true feelings to me. I'm curious, why?"

I smirked, I held her hands in mine. "I did tell you when you confessed to me right?"

"You just told me that you were jealous! You didn't tell me that you love me. You never say those three special words, Oreki-san."

"You know that it was something I could never do. Are my actions not enough to prove it to you? "

She pulled away and poked my cheek. "I am happy. But I'm wondering when will you say those words to me?"

I shrugged, scratching my head uncomfortably. True, I hadn't said those words up to this day. I'm not the type of person who could easily say what I felt out loud, not even to my girlfriend. "I don't know, maybe tomorrow? or...later?"

"You meannie!" with that she pinched my cheek with her tiny hand. It wasn't hurt at all, I saw a glimpse of her sweet smile while she was trying to pretend as if she was angry. We laughed at each other, especially me. She's not the type that could get angry for something silly like that.

Then it happened.

I heard the driver screamed and turned the wheel in a drastic way that made the whole bus unbalance. He made a sharp turn to the right to avoid the car heading right at our bus.

I held Eru tightly secured in my arms, sooner or later he would lose control, yes I knew that. My prediction came true.

Our bus went off road and fell, it rolled wildly down the cliff. Windows shattering, screams heard everywhere. At that time I could feel Eru's hands holding me tight. Then I felt a blinding pain on my back and my head.

Then nothing.

* * *

**_- Ice Cream-_**

* * *

It was all blurry, I remembered only a glimpse. It was dark and I was all alone. Then I woke up in a hospital bed, with Satoshi and Ibara right at my side. They looked happy and relieved. I couldn't hear them clearly of what they said to me, just a few words, like a puzzle.

My body tried to move but Ibara forbid me to. She said things like."Rest" or something like that. I felt my head nodded on its own.

_Wait, why is my body moving out without my command? _

I could feel my body tensed up, my hands pushed my body so that now I'm at a better position.

"...everything will be okay...have to...strong..." I heard a few words from Ibara.

_I didn't get it, what was it that she was trying to say to me?_

All I could remember was my conversation with Eru and then...no...Eru!

"...lost...member...our club...be strong..." This time it was Satoshi who was talking. I tried to say to them,

_where's Eru? Where's she? Is she okay?_

Then they looked sad. eyes down upon my bed. Ibara tried to hold back her tears but to no avail.

"...gone...sorry..."

_What? Eru died?_

In that instant my heart felt as if it was split in pieces, I wanted to scream but I didn't have the power to do so. It felt as if my voice was taken from me. I just shuddered for a long time, My whole world crashed down like a broken plane in the air, waiting to be completely obliterated by the impact.

I felt my trembling hands raised and a few strands of black hair fell from my side.

_Since when did my hair become this long? _

And then it came to my realization.

It wasn't Eru who died.

It was me.

* * *

**_- I scream -_**

* * *

Satoshi heard Chitanda's soft groan and a few moments later she woke up. Both Mayaka and him were overjoyed and relieved. But then it hit him hard, he had to tell her the painful truth. If he could choose, he would choose not to be the one to tell her. It was hard for himself to accept the bad news he just got from the doctor, let alone letting her know.

"Chi-chan, I'm glad you're okay. Don't panic, everything will be okay. You have to be strong, okay?" Mayaka's hands were shaking, she tried her hardest to hold back her tears.

It didn't take a long time for Chitanda to adjust to her new situation. In a few moments she had recovered her consciousness.

"Where's...Oreki-san? Is he okay?" She said softly, almost whispering. But both of her friends could hear her clearly, and that made them feel even worse.

"Chitanda-san, we just lost a member of our club. I really need you to be strong."

"What...do you mean?" Her voice was very light, as if her energies were sapped away.

Satoshi could sense her nervousness from her shaky voice. He stared at the white cover of Chitanda's hospital bed before continuing what he had to tell her.

"And that person is Hotarou. He's...gone...dead...I'm really sorry."

She didn't want to believe every word Satoshi said. She was just dreaming a bad dream right? For her it was like trying to swallow a big lump in her throat without water, breathless. Her heart beat faster and faster, as if she had been running for hours without a break.

"You're lying. Stop playing around, Fukube-san. That's not funny!"

"I'm not! Chitanda-san, I know it's hard for you to accept it, It had been hard for me too, for all of us. I even asked the doctor to check on him many times, but the results didn't change. He died on the operating table. I'm sorry!" This time Satoshi's eyes failed him, his tears ran down his bruised cheek, almost like a waterfall. So did Chitanda.

"He just can't...no he's not dead...Mayaka-san, please say something!" Chitanda asked the brown haired girl sitting next to her desperately, wishing she would tell her otherwise.

Mayaka just shook her head, tears still streaming down her face. She hugged Chitanda and cried on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Chi-chan. I really am."

* * *

**_- I Scream -_**

* * *

My eyes were fixed on a -dead- human form in front of me. I wasn't scared to see how many injuries I got from that accident, it felt as if I was watching a dead man in a film. No wonder I died, I was impaled by a sharp steel -of what used to be a window frame- through my back. That must be hurt...a lot.

It was funny to see your own dead body lying on the bed in front of you, felt like I was staring at my twin's dead body.

A few moments later I heard loud footsteps coming closer. I bet it belonged to my sister.

As I turned my head, following the source of the footsteps, I saw my sister opened the door, almost breaking it. She stopped for a while at the doorway, her chest rise and fall fast due to shortness of breath, something I can no longer feel. With shaky footsteps, she approached my body.

I knew it from her eyes, she couldn't believe of what she just saw in front of her. I too would be like that if it was her who died. Her hands pulled the white -red stained- sheet covering my body, revealing my ever so white-pale face.

She cried.

"I can't believe it...Hotarou..." Her head was slumped on the bed, she caressed my cold cheek, maybe she secretly wished for a single warmth left in me. I wanted to soothe her weary heart, but I couldn't. I could only watch her cry, with her not knowing that I was present.

I didn't know whether she could feel it or not, but I just hugged her from behind, my now transparent arms wrapped around her shoulders. I wished...I wished she could let go.

_I love you, Aneki. If only you could hear what I wanted to say. _

Then I left her alone in that room.

I was lingering in the hospital corridors, people walking past through my transparent body. The only thing in my head now is Eru. I wished she was okay and unhurt. Funny, my death would be the most painful thing for her now. I stopped right in front of her room, I peeked inside through the little glass on the door, she was alone. Without bothering I entered the room, of course I just passed through it. I was just a soul.

She was looking out of the window, looking at the red colored sky. Her eyes looked so lifeless, like a body without a soul.

_dead inside_

I knew it was my fault.

I sat down next to her bed, staring at her warm hands. She was so alive, blood was still streaming in her veins, unlike mine, transparent. I grabbed her hand, hoping that I could feel her soft hands for one last time.

And a miracle happened.

She slowly turned her head to me, her lifeless eyes turned brighter and brighter, wider.

"Oreki-san!"

It was really good to hear her said my name. I didn't know how or why, she could see me. I gave her my usual smile.

"Hey there, Ojou-sama. Been waiting for me?"

Clear fluid appeared at the corner of her beautiful eyes. She tried to hug me, but of course she just went through me. That made her tears rolled down her face once more. Because this time she really had to accept that I was dead.

"Don't cry. I'm sorry." I said, feeling guilty at the moment.

"No...I'm...I'm just...happy," She wiped her own tears, I wished I could be the one to wipe them for her. "I'm happy to see you again." this time she smiled. Her wet eyes looked more beautiful, more charming, than it used to be.

"I want to stay with you, have a bright future with you, but I can't. Do you regret it? Meeting me, Knowing me, everything?"

She shook her head and said, "No I don't. Meeting you was a wonderful thing, being with you now is a miracle. I'm glad I met you, got closer to you and fell in love with you, Oreki-san."

I stroked her cheek softly even though I can't sense her anymore and vice versa, we were just enjoying each others company and feeling it with our souls.

"I'm glad. I fell in love with you. You're strong, You'll be okay now." I wrapped my arms around her, deep down still wishing to feel her warmth upon my body. She closed her eyes too, feeling my presence with her soul.

I moved forward and kissed her tenderly on her lips. I knew both of us didn't get the sensation, but that didn't bother us. It was just for a moment, but it fulfilled our hearts' thirst of each other's love.

"I love you, Eru. I really, really love you."

"Finally you say it to me." She smiled. I chuckled.

Finally I could convey it to her. It's time.

"Have to go now." I really didn't like saying goodbye to her. So instead I said, "I'll see you soon."

She looked more alive now. "Yeah, see you soon."

With that my body disappeared, it turned into a form of a blue butterfly, flying through the window onto the red sky. No more holding back, I'm ready for a new journey.

* * *

**_Epilogue _**

* * *

You see, It was a big mistake for me in holding back to convey my feelings to her. If I had had more time, I would have said ' I love you' to her as much as I could. I had the time, but I kept saying to myself 'there will always be tomorrow'.

I didn't realize it until my death, that there were no such tomorrow. You'll never know when your life or the ones you loved come to an end. They won't stay in your life forever, there will always be limitations to everything. While you have a plenty of time, tell them you love them while you still have the chance. Tomorrow may never come, do it now, so that you won't regret it later.

People may think that people who died, they just disappeared. But I didn't. I lived in her heart, in her memory. That's why I didn't say goodbye. Because one day, I know I'll see her again. So I said I'll see her soon.

Every goodbyes makes the next hello closer.

* * *

**The End**

* * *

A/N : there it is, I finished it in two days. Well, once again sorry for my bad grammars _ and some confusing plot lines. I know, but it was my intention to make it that way. I wanted to make it a lot better than this, but I didn't have the time since I'm very busy with my college tasks. In the end, I was inspired by a picture of a blue butterfly. If I'm not mistaken, in Japan, butterfly represented a deceased soul or something like that.

I hope you enjoy this fic ^_^ oh and please don't forget to give me some reviews. You know, for my introspection :)

Thank you for reading this fic! ^_^


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